he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
