his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
