They should really pass out barf bags in church
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
