summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
