i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
