How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
