oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
