Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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