Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
