Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
