When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
