I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think i have two assholes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
