Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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