Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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