she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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