This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
