well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
