What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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