i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
