i jhust puked up my retainher.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
