Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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