i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i've created a new STD.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
