throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
