her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
...so i touched it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
