before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
