I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
