Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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