I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
