dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
