Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
