So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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