puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
