i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
More tranny stories later!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
