you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
