one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
