don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
