he puts the penis in happiness.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
