i already hear my dad disowning me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
