This is not my ceiling
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
