you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
