FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
