just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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