I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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