one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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