you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
