i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
