I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
did i just pee glitter
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
