It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
