No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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