And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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