I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
