You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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