yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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