feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
