its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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