Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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