Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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