last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
